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horror movie opening scene

  • white girl:

    i dont like this abandoned insane asylum, zack.

  • white boy:

    come on, amanda, 10 years ago tonight, the famous blood skull killer committed his last murder right here and then vanished.

  • white girl:

    you're just trying to scare me.

  • white boy:

    lmao

  • they continue walking for a few seconds

  • *white couple hears noise*

  • white girl:

    babe what that??

  • white boy:

    i'll go investigate

  • *leaves her alone*

  • *choking noises*

  • white girl:

    zack!!!

  • white boy:

    ha ha just kidding!

  • white girl:

    asshole!

  • white boy:

    im just playin babe

  • white girl:

    that wasnt funny but ur still cute

  • *playful kiss*

  • *things turn sexy*

  • *hear noise*

  • white boy:

    i'll go investigate

  • *he leaves and then there's a silence for a long time*

  • *maybe a thud*

  • white girl:

    zack! this isnt funny anymore zack!

  • *she walks and he dead*

  • white girl:

    ahhh!!

  • *killer shows up with sickle or quirky weapon that distinguishes him from other horror movie villains*

  • white girl:

    ahhh!!!

  • *white girl runs*

  • *dead end*

  • *hides*

  • *thinks she free n safe*

  • *guy catches her*

  • *cuts her*

  • *she dead*

  • opening title slashes across screen:

    BLOOD SLICE IN 3-D

  • (I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)

  • Customer:

    “Excuse me, sir?”

  • Me:

    “Yes, ma’am?”

  • Customer:

    “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”

  • Me:

    “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”

  • Customer:

    “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”

  • (The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)

  • Me:

    “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”

  • Customer:

    “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”

  • (I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)

  • Owner:

    “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”

  • Homeless Man:

    “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”

  • Owner:

    “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”

  • Homeless Man:

    “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”

  • (My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)

  • Homeless Man:

    *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”

  • Owner:

    *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”

  • Homeless Man:

    “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”

  • (Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

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